"Until the whole world hears, Lord we are calling out, lifting up Your name for all who hear the sound, like voices in the wilderness we are calling out, until the day draws near we'll sing until the whole world hears."-Casting Crowns, Until the Whole World Hears
I sing a song with my life. With this song, I hope that people hear this as the message of the song: a relationship with Jesus Christ is everything you need to satisfy you and fill you. Nothing else in the world will satisfy you or give you strength like He will, and until you turn to Him you'll be disappointed with everything else. I want to sing this song until the whole world hears it.
Lately, I've had an even bigger reason to sing this song. The other day, I was thinking about some of the things that have happened to me recently and how I have every reason to be bitter and angry at myself and the world. But instead, I am finding hope in Christ alone and I am smiling and laughing, still standing. It was a journey, though.
For several months I was in a relationship with someone who I cared about very much. Although our relationship wasn't perfect by any means, I realize now that I truly loved him. I still believe that he is a great guy. Anyways, I gave this guy all of my love and acceptance. I tried so hard to make our relationship work. It was finally at a point where I was very happy with him and I believed he felt the same way with me.
That was my world on April 6, 2011 as I overslept, skipped breakfast, and ran out the door fifteen minutes late with no makeup on. I had to be at work in Jacksonville at 8, and it was 7:30. Looking both ways, I made a left turn onto Highway 90, thinking that it was clear. But it turned out that I hadn't seen a car coming. I heard a huge smacking noise, smelled gasoline and burnt metal. I stared at my broken windows. Realizing that I had been in a major car accident, I quickly called 911.
"There's someone injured," they told me when I crawled out of the car. Sure enough, the other driver hadn't been wearing their seatbelt and wasn't able to get out of the car. They were crying about pain in their neck. I was so scared. This had to be some type of terrible nightmare. The ambulance came and after loading the driver onto the stretcher, they raced to the hospital. At that point, I wanted to die. My car was totaled, but I didn't care. I just wanted the other person to be okay. I could hardly live with the guilt of knowing that I had accidentally hurt someone.
During that time, my boyfriend became the person I confided in. He held me as I cried after the accident two days later and listened to me sob for hours. I told him all my thoughts, my anxieties, everything. He was my security, the one person who was helping me get through it. I remember thinking to myself, "If I lose him, I will have nothing."
It's funny how things happen, because three weeks later he told me that he didn't love me anymore, and two days after that we broke up. I thought my life was over.
But the day we had our major fight on Wednesday, I ran into my room, bawling and angry at God for possibly taking away the most important person in my life and the only thing I had left. On my bed appeared an old tattered book. I looked at it and realized it was my Bible. This had to be some sick joke of God, because I had my Bible in the car with me the day of the accident, and I thought that I lost it in the wreckage. Sure enough, my mom retrieved the Bible out of the car for me and had saved it. I began to read a verse that I had underlined two years ago when I read the Bible front to cover:
"We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You."-2 Chronicles 20:12
I knew that God had put the Bible on my bed to remind me that when my world was falling apart and that I had gone through the worst thing I could imagine, He was the only one who I could still stand on. It was also to get my attention, for Him to tell me that He needed to be number one in my life. When my "vast army" attacked me, I had no clue what to do, so I had to turn my eyes upon God.
When my boyfriend left me three weeks after my accident, I instead turned to God for strength. That's the only place where I found peace and strength beyond measure. I studied my Bible and prayed every night. God became my best friend again. But most of all, I was satisfied in God even though I had every reason to hate my life and be bitter.
This is the song I sing: that when your world is falling out from under you, God is the solid rock you can stand on. When you feel empty, the joy of knowing Jesus will fill you like anything else. If you are abandoned by everyone you love, God will never leave you or foresake you. If you feel like you can't overcome the storms of this life, you know that you have the One who calmed the storms in charge. This is the song that I sing, in hopes that you may, too hear it and sing along.
Until the whole world hears,
Caroline
