Refuge

My oh my has it been a long time since I've written here! So much has happened in my life since then, which gives me a great opportunity to write this blog. Maybe I'll actually start posting in it again :)

I guess I'll share this much. My grandma, who was like a second mom to me, passed away the day after Thanksgiving after a three-year fight with cancer took its turn for the worst unexpectedly. I miss her a lot. On another note, I've had a few guys in my life since then. Some were in my life for a few dates, others were in my life for several months. However, it's almost June and nothing ever worked out, as you can see by my Facebook relationship status haha.Those experiences helped me grow a lot in my search for looking for God's Mr. Right. Let's see.. I got accepted to Florida State University in the fall so in two months I'll be moving from my small hometown and my now familiar college, Florida State College at Jacksonville to my own apartment in Tallahassee! My mom is horrified by this thought, as my sister (who is now a Seminole and my future roommate too woot woot!) and I will be two hours away from home. Personally, I'm rather excited about leaving the nest, but that's another story....:) This part is probably the hardest part for me to mention, but on April 6 on my way to FSCJ I was in a really bad car accident that totaled my car. I was told later that I should have died in this accident. It was a terrible thing to go through and I still don't have a car. But...I know that God was taking care of me and I'm going to praise Him for keeping me alive that day. I'm sitting here in my pj's on Memorial Day weekend. I have Facebook opened and I just drank an amazing cup of tea. As I look on all of the things I've been through in the past seven months or so, I realize something.

Have you ever lost someone you loved to cancer who helped raise you and watch that person die in a hospital bed? Do you know what it's like to be driving on your morning commute, realize that you didn't see another car coming, and hear the smashes, smell the burning metal, and feel blood pour from your face as you realize you've been in a terrible car accident one random morning? Have you ever been left by someone you loved, be it a significant other, a friend, or often times, both, and wonder if the feelings they expressed for you were ever genuine to begin with? When you go through these things, it feels like your world is falling apart. The ground you were once standing on is crashing in. Your options are to find something new to stand on or to fall. I think that's why when people go through bad times like I have in the past several months do certain things because they've lost what was holding them together in life and so they search for new foundations. They find this in something that will make them happy for a little while, like sex, drugs, drinking, shopping, eating, the list goes on and on. Sometimes they throw themselves into things that will bring them success or at least get their mind off of things, like work, new hobbies, whatever. But in the end of the day, these new foundations will fall apart, too, and once more you'll be without a foundation to stand on.When our world falls apart, or even before it falls apart, our foundations have to be in something that won't change. That is in God and a relationship with Him. God is the only thing that won't change or abandon you for someone else. It's not just a belief in God though; it's a relationship with Him. It's knowing that because He sent Jesus to save us from our own mistakes, He loves us enough to die for someone who doesn't even love Him back. It's knowing that because Jesus died for us, if we believe this wholeheartedly we are made faultless in God's eyes. With that knowledge in mind, a relationship with God is studying the Bible and realizing God's plans and instructions for our lives. It's praying and realizing that God is listening. It's sitting quietly and waiting for what God has to say to you. It's treating other people differently because you know that God wants you to and that He loves everyone, so you should too. It's being so overwhelmed by what God is doing in your life that you have to tell other people what He's done in your life. A relationship with God is like no other, and it's the only foundation I have in my life that I can stand 100% on. It's the only thing that's gotten me through these past few months.

The thing that just frustrates me is that if a girl's boyfriend broke up with her, we would probably tell her "Let's go to the club and get wasted, and maybe we can get a few numbers of someone out there." That's only going to hurt her worse in the end, because that foundation she is building with alcohol and guys is going to come crashing down again, too, and she'll be falling again. We never tell her, "Here, why don't you spend time with God and pray about all of the pain you're going through?" No, God is the butt of jokes, a patriotic gesture in a presidential speech, but never a remedy. I find it ironic that we push away the only thing that can really help us. Perhaps that's why there are so many people hurting today.

With that being said, it's time for breakfast/lunch and a chance to talk to my Creator about some stuff that's ticking me off :) See y'all later!